From: tim[at]toad[dot]com (Tim Maroney)
Subject: Re: Is this feeling real?
Date: 12 Aug 93 04:21:19 GMT

Derrick writes:

<< Years ago (before i knew about this thread) i was at college and was experimenting with astraling. I remember putting up a shield and later, I was attacked by what I can only call a demon. I call it a demon because before then, I had never felt anything so evil before. Anyways, after the incident, I never felt the same power (call it psychic power if you want) again. Since that incident, I have felt weaker overall and have never been able to command the same power I had before. Does this sound crazy? >>

Not at all. Many people have similar experiences.

A psychological explanation might go as follows. You came face to face with a repressed element of your unconscious mind, which is to say, an aspect of your shadow — that within yourself that you fear and abhor. This encounter drained a certain amount of your “astral” ability for a few reasons. First of all, you’re now concerned about meeting it again when you reach the same power level — and you very definitely don’t want to do that, given your earlier experience. Second, the exposure of this unconscious element to the light of day gave it the opportunity to co-opt a certain amount of your psychic energy, which it is keeping to itself as it continues to function, hidden and invisible, within your shadow. Third, and perhaps most importantly, even though you perhaps don’t realize that the demon is part of yourself, for the conscious mind to see that which it so fervently denied and excluded from your self-image must have been a tremendous shock to that self-image. This self-image is strongly related to what magicians call the aura. At some level, you realize now that you are not the person you like to think you are. This has a rather serious effect on the aura until it is resolved.

If this is a correct explanation (and please bear in mind that it is only one possibility), then the course of action is simple. You need to meet this demon again and, instead of fighting it, integrate it into yourself. What is it about this being that is evil? Where in your own past does its evil come from? Fighting it only makes it stronger.

Here I’m not recommending just dropping all your defenses and letting the demon take over. It probably embodies some very self-destructive elements of your personality. Letting it take over might cause your own death. But try to talk to it, within a magical circle. See who it is. Then decide how to proceed (if at all) with your integration. You have the chance to become much stronger than you are, and to learn things about yourself you need to know, but perhaps would rather not know on a superficial level. Approach the contact with hope.

As for me, I hope this helps. Given the small amount of information I have about the demon and your personality, I could be completely off-base. I’m just trying to present a perspective that might not have occurred to you. Good luck!

Tim Maroney