The ABCs of neopagandom

By Geoff Johnson | October 13, 1998

Just to confuse you all!

Altar
To change, deform, or rearrange.

Black Magic
Magic used by those with much pigmentation in their skin.

Centring
In the case of public rituals, this practice in done to alter the alignment of text on flyers.

Circle
A term used by techno-Pagans when referring to circle-dot mode, the storage of binary units using a code of plane figures with a bounding edge equidistant from a fixed point where some of these figures have dots, and some do not.

The Craft
A movie made in 1996 by Sony Pictures which stars Robin Tunney.

Cove
A small sheltered bay, creek, or inlet of the sea.

Coven
Referring to or being cove-like.

Discord
The appropriate musical notes to be played at dis time in the ritual.

Esbat
Spanish for “it is a flying mammal.”

Flying
Something which witches do. Recent surveys show that TWA is the most favoured method, though some traditionalists stick with smaller single-engined air planes.

Glossary
A place where they add gloss to ceramics.

Grounding
When all young children who have misbehaved during the ritual are sent to their rooms for the weekend.

Hain
Sam Hain, founder of a successful company which makes underwear.

Handfasting
During protests, this is done to ensure the difficulty of ones removal by use of handcuffs.

Incense
When capable of reasonable judgement, when acting sensible.

Jack-o-lantern
In the Pagan playing cards, it is the card of the suit of lights (traje de luces) higher than a ten but lower than a queen.

Karma
An old Star Trek term from the original series which stands for Klingon and Romulan Military Alliance.

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Lammas
Animals of south America of the family Camelidae.

Magick
An art made popular by David Copperfield and Harry Houdini.

Nine
The most Pagans you can fit in a standard phone booth in Iowa City. (Trust me on this one)

Orgy
The ending often used by techno-Pagans at the end of their URL.

Pentagram
A five sided cracker.

Quest
What deities send you on when they are bored and have nothing better to do.

Rowan
A term used on slave ships when the slaves have rested long enough and need to continue rowing.

Sabbat
Of or relating to hydrogenated organic compounds. The term comes from the French chemist Paul Sabatier.

Skyclad
A material similar to nickel-clad, though with ozone instead of nickel.

Spell
A turn at work, a shift.

Talisman
Opposite of Shortisman.

Underwear
See Hain.

Virginity
Sorry, no Pagan I’ve talked to seems to know what this is.

White Witch
A Caucasian member of the Wiccan religion.

Witch
Pronoun, what one or ones of several things pointed out. Used as a relative in a subordinate clause representing a noun or noun phrase in the principal sentence.

Xerox
The easiest and quickest way to go from a monotheistic religion to a polytheistic one. Though it may cost you ten cents.

Yorkshire
A place where they make a type of bread, perfect for rituals, though they call it pudding.

Zygurmist
The one who devotes his or her life to studying, in order to make rituals more fun.

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