Bumper Stickers and Odd Sayings

Right now I've got amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Shin: A device for locating furnature in the dark.

I like the insanity, but stop the stupidity.

When choosing between two evils I always like to go for the one I've never tried before.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Be kind to your offspring. They get to chose your nursing home.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

Cancer cures smoking.

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Do old men wear boxers or briefs? - Depends.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I bet I can stop gambling.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

Few women admit their age, few men act it.

Vegetarians taste better.

I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to.

Elvis shot JFK.

So many people...so few comets.

Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comfortable.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

You non-conformists are all alike.

Love: Two vowels, two consonants, two fools.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

Pride is what we have. Pity is what others have.

Forget about world peace . . . visualize using your turn signal.

Sex is like pizza, when it's bad it's still kinda good.

Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of "smart."

Jesus loves you! But everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Spandex: A privledge, not a right.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else

At a nudist wedding everyone can see who the best man is.

Caution: I know karate...and six other Chinese words.

Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.

Never visit a doctor who can't keep hir office plants alive.

Dyslexics of the world unite!

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" . . . until you can find a rock.

The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.

Follow your dream! (Unless it's the one where you're at work only wearing underwear during a fire drill.)

For people who like peace and

Forcast for tonight: dark.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator but I never got around to it.

I don't get even, I get odder.

If marriage was outlawed only outlaws would have in-laws.

If Noah had been truely wise, he would have swatted those two flies.

Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people.

If your nose runs and your feet smell you were probably built upside down.

I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.

"Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog." - Dorothy

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

In just two days tomorrow will be yesterday.

Last night I played a blank tape full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

I'm not broke I'm just having an out of money experience.

My inferiority complex is not nearly as good as your's.

Ignoring bullshit is wrong, bullshit makes the flowers grow, and that's beautiful.

If you can't baffle them with brilliance, befuddle them with bullshit.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.